Tuesday, January 1, 2013

"Fall Forward" into the New Year

I woke this morning, unsure of what the day would bring.  There's that point in the year when I know I screwed up so bad, there's no turning back and there's nothing to do but press on.  This is why I embrace the thought of a new year.  It seems I can somehow pick myself up and start again.  Today is that day.  I get to start again. 

But it didn't really feel like a fresh start.  The baby was restless during the night, which meant no sleep for the second straight week since his shots.  Ruben's still snorting and hacking.  RileyAnn wakes tired and whiny, not feeling well.  Though the sun is shining boldly, it's 7 degrees below zero outside.  Lunch is leftover from yesterday.  Angel asks if I've ever read The Scarlet LetterI have not.  Just another reminder that I am behind.  It all seems like a repeat.

I try to sound optimistic when I talk to my sister and tell her I'm going to clean out a closet today.  I'm ready to purge.  She says, "Oh, good for you".  But there's something hanging in her voice on that line through those icy cold telephone wires.  I know she hears what I mean, not only what I said.   Sisters have that way about them. 

After a short pause, she proceeds to talk about how 2012 was a really bad year for her and 2013 has to be better.  I know her struggles.  She says she hasn't screwed up yet today. I try to encourage with, "It's a new year, out with the old and in with the new."  I didn't sound as convincing as I had hoped.  Then I bring up how Weight Watchers is starting a new program this year.  Maybe we should consider it.  Again, I sense her reservation.  We both know if we don't start it, then we don't have to fail. 

Shortly after hanging up, I jumped on to check e-mail and was absolutely blessed by this Ann Voskamp post.   I forwarded it to my sister, thanked the Lord for leftovers, and cleaned the closet.  I may look into Weight Watchers, but for sure I will fall forward into the new year. 

"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection.  But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.  No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  Philippians 3:12-14

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